The Jedi from Porkchop Island
by Joshweiser22
Summary: When Ol' Porkchop McGee comes face to face with his arch nemesis, the Jedi Monkey, anything and everything will go wrong.
1. Part 1

**Part 1**

"You were unwise to follow me here, Porkchop."

"Ah, but that's where you're wrong, Jedi Monkey, or should I say, Evil Darth Primate!"

"Gah! How did you find out about me!?"

"A friend from the future told me." Porkchop smirked. "And you have no idea what I can do here. I was born and raised here! I know the terrain like the back of my hand! You _are _on Porkchop Island, after all!"

Porkchop raised his hand up at Darth Primate and by use of the force, sent pork chops, shaped like ninja stars, flying toward him. Moving at least 40mph, they caught Primate's cape and sent him flying back as well as pinned him down to the ground.

Porkchop hovered above him now. "You've hit the end of the road, Monkey."

Primate started at Porkchop with disgust. "Roads? Where we're going, we won't _need_ roads."

Before Porkchop got a chance to do anything, Primate shot up an electrical beam up at the sky, creating a lightning storm. The thunder was almost immediately heard.

"What did you do!?" exclaimed Porkchop.

"I've created a time portal! We will both be transported into our bodies from exactly one day ago with no recollection of these events. It'll all seem like dejavu to us. Only thing is, I will leave myself a reminder so that I won't make the same mistakes again!"

"You're mad!" Porkchop looked around, seeing the storm clouds huddle in. "Damn you!" He grabbed his pork chop handle which revealed a lightsaber, and plunged it straight down into Primate.

Primate couldn't speak well, now. "See you…back a month."

At this point, Porkchop knew he couldn't stop this anymore, so he took out a camera and started recording himself. Once he was done, he shoved it in his pocket and hoped that it would somehow make it back in time with him to serve as a reminder as well.

Suddenly, the ground started shaking and the earth was quaking. The thunder got louder and louder until lightning struck both Porkchop and Primate's dead body. The two of them disappeared.


	2. Part 2

**Part 2**

"Can I see some identification please?"

Porkchop handed the officer his I.D.

"Ol' Porkchop McGee, ay?"

"Yup! That's right, officer!"

"Alright, I'll let you slide by with a warning, this time. Don't let me catch you speeding again!"

"Thank you, sir."

Once the cop was gone, Porkchop was back on the road, heading to work.

Porkchop was quite the odd looking fellow. Mostly because of his head. It was similar to that of a pig's snout and all.

Porkchop had been running late for work (thus his speeding fiasco) and now he was going to be even later! As he got to work, he ran inside, only to see his boss standing by the clock ticker.

"I'm so sorry I'm late, boss. It's just that–"

"I want to hear NO excuses! I refuse to give you special treatment just because we're both Jedi! Go back home and try again tomorrow, Mr. McGee."

"Very well, Monkey," said Porkchop.

"That's _Boss Jedi_ Monkey, to you."

And with that, Porkchop was off again toward his home.

The Jedi Monkey reached into his pocket and grabbed a note. It read:

_Dear Jedi Monkey,_

_ Unfortunate events have occurred that have foiled our plans. Who to blame? Ol' Porkchop McGee. Do not let him get the best of you again or we will suffer for it. Defeat him once and for all!_

_Future Darth Primate_

"Looks like I learn all these abilities in the future…I won't let Ol' Porker get the best of me this time!"

Meanwhile, Porkchop was now at home. He pressed a red button on his wall, revealing a secret staircase leading downstairs. Once down, he was in a room with weapons on all sides – most of which were lightsabers. There was also a small television screen in the room that was playing a news report.

"Attention citizens: Darth Primate has struck once again. I repeat: Darth Primate has struck once again."

Porkchop stared long and hard at the screen. Something about this situation had seemed all so familiar to him. As if he had already gone through this all once or twice before. He also looked closely at Dark Primate's mask. It looked similar to that of Darth Vader's from the prophesized series of movies called _Star Wars_.

The screen started changing all of a sudden into static. Then, it started clearing up again, but it was on a video. A video of…himself. It started playing.

"Porkchop!" started saying a Porkchop from an alternate future timeline. "Jedi Monkey is actually Darth Primate! He will be taking you to home base and cast a time portal! You must stop him at all costs!"

As the screen turned back, to normal, Porkchop was left dumbfounded. However, after he snapped out of it, he immediately grabbed his favorite pork chop-handled lightsaber and a mysterious cube. He was now heading straight back to work.

As this was going on, Darth Primate was also getting ready. "He'll never expect me to flee to his home land! I'll bring this nifty time gadget just in case."

The doors busted open with Porkchop flying through.

"I know you'd be coming here! Time for me to make my escape!" said Darth Primate and then vanished.

"Good thing I know exactly where you're going." Porkchop now vanished as well.


	3. Part 3

**Part 3**

Both Darth Primate and Porkchop now appeared. Dark Primate looked shocked at first as to how Porkchop had known where he had fled to, but then changed his expression all together to a more smirkier look.

"You were unwise to follow me here, Porkchop."

"Ah, but that's where you're wrong, Jedi Monkey, or should I say, Evil Darth Primate!"

"Gah! How did you find out about me!?"

"A friend from the future told me." Porkchop smirked. "And you have no idea what I can do here. I was born and raised here! I know the terrain like the back of my hand! You _are _on Porkchop Island, after all!"

Porkchop raised his hand up at Darth Primate and by use of the force, sent pork chops, shaped like ninja stars, flying toward him. Moving at least 40mph, they caught Primate's cape and sent him flying back as well as pinned him down to the ground.

Porkchop hovered above him now. "You've hit the end of the road, Monkey."

Primate started at Porkchop with disgust. "Roads? Where we're going, we won't _need_ roads."

Dejavu-like memories started flooding Porkchop's mind again at this point. "Not this time, Primate!" Porkchop raised his mystery cube in the air and it created a force field around them.

This time, when Primate raised his hand to cast the spell, nothing happened.

"This force field of mine negates your dark side of the force powers. Like I said, it's the end of the line."

Darth Primate let out a "Nooo!" that sounded strikingly similar to that of Darth Vader's when the Emperor was killing Luke at the end of Episode VI.

Porkchop now used the force once again to levitate Primate. "What became of you? You were like a brother to me! I trusted you!"

With the wave of his hand, Porkchop let Darth Primate fly out into the drifts of space.

"Goodbye, my dear friend, Monkey."

The force field now collapsed and Porkchop returned back home. He lied down in bed and went to sleep – sad that his good friend was now gone, but happy that the threat of the dark side was now gone…

Unknown to Ol' Porkchop McGee, someone had been watching all these events go by.

"I swear. I will avenge you, Primate. I will get rid of Porkchop once and for all. Or else, my name is not DARTH ORANGUTAN!"

**To be continued…**

(But not really.)

The End


End file.
